2024. 50's Year In Review

It's finally over. From mysterious drones over the Northeast, to Biden dropping out of the race at the last minute and selecting the worst possible candidate to replace him, it's been one nutty year. Here's my year in review that nobody will read. 

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Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce's biggest moments of 2024

Just kidding. Nobody of importance actually gives a shit about these two. 

Joe Biden Debates Donald Trump

Holy shit. What a mess this was.

On June 27, 2024, Joe Biden proclaimed to the world that "We finally beat Medicare!"
Nobody really knows what this means, including Joe Biden himself. 

Donald Trump Survives Assassination Attempt

On July 13, 2024, an assassin attempted to take Trump out of the race. While no political motive has been released, it can be assumed that violent leftists were upset about Biden's disastrous debate performance and knew Trump was surging in the polls. His election to President was almost locked in. The shooter was eventually taken out, but not until after numerous failures by the Secret Service and other federal agencies on site, some which appeared intentional.  Donald Trump sustained a gunshot wound to his right ear. Corey Comperatore, a father, husband,  and former first responder,  was killed by the would-be assassin, and two other audience members were wounded. 

Joe Biden Drops Out

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On July 21st, 2024, Joe Biden announce his withdrawal from the Presidential race. His decision to drop out was fueled by his disastrous debate performance just 3 weeks earlier, as well as Trump's surging poll numbers from the debate and surviving an assassination attempt. The DNC would later go on to install Kamala Harris as the 2024 candidate for President without one single primary vote for her.  

Midnite-Xpresso Closes

Turns out, nobody gave a shit. Goodbye and good riddance. 

Drones In NJ. Everybody Panic!!!!!

Nobody cared about these things until some retard in Washington came out and said they came from an "Iranian Mothership."
Turns out, the government knew they were there the whole time, but declined to state why they were there or what they were doing. Wild rumors about aliens, radioactive leaks, and other weird shit have been speculated, but no clear response from the government about their purpose as of yet. 

Trump Wins 2024 Election

Seriously, who didn't see that coming?
Well apparently, Democrats didn't. They're still surprised for some reason.