April

Ah yes, April — the month that kicks down the door yelling “SURPRISE, MOTHERCUKER!” and then immediately dumps rain, pollen, and family obligations on you. But don’t worry. Fifty’s is here, as always, to help you cope with the chaos using the holy trinity: sarcasm, snacks, and plenty of booze.
Here’s what’s happening this month, whether you like it or not.

​April 1 — April Fool’s Day

The annual celebration of people being annoying on purpose.
Expect dumb jokes, fake announcements, and at least one person who thinks they’re a comedic genius because they put tape over a sensor somewhere.
If anyone pranks you, feel free to come hide at Fifty’s and mutter “fuck off" into a beverage.
We're late on this one, so April Fool's is going to last all month long.

April 5th - Easter

​Time for chocolate, pastel colors, and pretending your family isn’t driving you up a wall.
Whether you’re celebrating the holiday or just celebrating the candy, you’re welcome to swing by Fifty’s and decompress from whatever fresh hell brunch turned into.

Tax Day - April 15

​Ah, Tax Day — that magical time of year when the government strolls in like a raccoon digging through your wallet, except the raccoon has better manners.
It’s the annual reminder that “taxation is theft” isn’t just a slogan — it’s a whole damn mood.
You spend hours wrestling with forms written in a dialect only demons and IRS agents understand, just so the government can take another chunk of your paycheck and then act shocked when you’re not thrilled about it.
If you’ve already filed, congrats — you’ve survived another round of legalized pickpocketing.
If you haven’t, well… enjoy the panic, champ.
Either way, you’ve earned a stiff drink and the right to mutter “don’t tread on me” at anyone who gets too close.

Earth Day - April 22

​A lovely reminder that the planet is on fire and we should probably do something about it.
Plant a tree, recycle something, or at least don’t litter for one damn day.
Then come to Fifty’s and brag about how eco‑friendly you are now.

April Showers - All Damn Month

​Not an official holiday, but it might as well be.
Rain, mud, puddles the size of small lakes — it’s all part of the April experience.
If you get soaked, come inside.
If you don’t get soaked, come inside anyway.
If it snows… just give up and order something strong.

​⚾ Baseball Season Begins​

It’s that time again — the crack of the bat, the smell of overpriced beer, and the sound of someone yelling “LET’S GO!” like it’s a personality trait. Whether you’re a fan of the mighty Boston Red Sox, or the Arizona Diamondhacks (yeah, we said it), baseball’s back, baby.
Opening Day is basically the unofficial start of pretending you care about stats again. Half the crowd’s there for the game, the other half’s there for the hot dogs and the chance to yell at strangers. Either way, it’s America at its finest — loud, messy, and fueled by beer and misplaced optimism.
So grab your cap, your drink, and your questionable team loyalty. The season’s here, and it’s time to argue about batting averages like it actually matters.

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Fifty’s Saloon is not responsible for spilled drinks, bruised egos, questionable decisions, or anyone accidentally adding to or subtracting from the population after reading this blog or showing up to any event mentioned herein. Side effects may include laughter, confusion, mild regret, and the sudden urge to blame the government for everything.
All opinions expressed are for entertainment purposes only, void where prohibited by law. Taxes, license fees, and whatever other random charges someone decides to tack on are not included. If you wake up with a hangover, a new life philosophy, or a person you don’t remember meeting — that’s on you, champ.
We just provide the chaos. What you do with it is between you and your conscience.